When you don’t have a voice

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions for me with ongoing challenges of ‘acceptance.’  And I have many unanswered questions in the way of ‘surrendering to what is before we can move forward.’ This is a journey that often involves taking one step at a time and that comes with many layers, different circumstances, a lot of self-awareness and the willingness to look at something from a different perspective when you cannot change a situation.

A few weeks ago, because of my own experience, it became clear to me that ‘acceptance’ is not about ‘wanting’ something but rather ‘letting go’ of something or of a desired outcome for there to be flow and to go forward.  By holding onto it and not ‘letting go’ keeps you in a state of disharmony and you get stuck. You are perpetually angry, frustrated depressed and/or anxious and it feels like you are head bashing the same brick wall over and over again in hope of breaking it down. But the wall never breaks. It still stands and the only outcome is you – black, blue and broken.  Acceptance is not about the ‘other’ but rather, it’s about honouring and loving yourself enough not to fight to the death. (Of yourself) If you are unhappy about your situation, be brave and change it. But if you absolutely cannot change it and your intentions are true and from a place of love, then you must accept it and instead change your perspective in a way that empowers you and allows you to go forward and walk through the story so that there is a different ending. One of the biggest lessons I have learned through Jene Frost’s story is that acceptance of a situation is not ‘giving up’ but rather focusing on what you ‘can do’ and not what you ‘can’t do.’

But this is where I get stuck. Sometimes it does not always feel that simple. I think of the Ukrainians and how many of them have been forced to flee, not because they want to but because they fear death if they don’t. They accept the situation and do what they must do to keep safe. But how does one handle the unfairness of a situation like this, the anger and grief that comes with the process of letting go to move forward? Of losing everything you care about, of a way of life, of your rights, of what or who you love most? How does one accept a situation that is so unfair and so abusive? And worse, when your voice does not matter or there is no-one willing to listen, how do you accept not being heard to move forward? I would like to know, because I don’t.

This week my heart goes out to a father. A good father and a good man. A man so big and full of love that children gravitate towards him. They bask in his love and in his gentle and accepting presence. They get to be who they are and loved for who they are without there being any consequence. This week, my heart goes out to a father who has called his children every single week for over a year and who has spoken to them no more than a small handful of times. This week, my heart goes out to a father who loves unconditionally. This week my heart goes out to all the parents who have been alienated from their children and who are standing on the edge wondering how they can possibly go on without their children and the human beings they love most in this world. This week, my heart goes out to the children who are being intentionally starved of this love. This week I am struggling with acceptance. Because I don’t know how one could possibly accept not being part of your children’s life. I don’t know how I would do this if I was in his shoes.

“It is not important what is said, what is important is what is heard.”
― Jeffrey Fry

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